Hello...It has been a busy week or so. The stomach flu has ravaged the household, taking a particularly firm hold upon the little one. I am actually taking her to the doctor's today, because I am concerned about lingering, vicious, painful diarrhea that she is suffering with. I assume they will not say much other than push the fluids etc etc. The thing is, with five children, I don't think i recall ever seeing them have diarrhea so badly, for so long. So, I am going with the better safe than sorry routine.
Ugh...I hate being a girl. (this is the too much detail part) I feel so yucky this month. If I could just crawl into bed for four of the waking hours of the day(during my period) I think I would be so much better. I am grumpy, tired and unusually uncomfortable. I think I was just talking to a sister about how a-symptomatic I had been. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut!
Also, I have some thoughts jumbling around in my head, about this blog. I started out wanting it to be a forum for me to make goals and be accountable to myself, as well as a place to vent from time to time, and hopefully see emotional progress. As you are aware (if you are crazy enough to follow this regularly) I started with some very specific goals. The thing is, I am so enmeshed in so many other people' s lives, that it is really hard to have routines and habits. Also, I am emotionally fragile these days, and very susceptible to discouragement. I discussed this for awhile with my counselor...she felt like I should let go of goals, like the ones I started with, and focus on what makes me feel happy, successful, relaxed etc.
This is so tricky, I want to be a better me, and picking out physical and tangible things to work on makes sense, but when I do, I get all bent out of shape and then something falls apart around me, and I crash and burn. So where is the balance? Because, while some entanglement is proper and normal for a busy mom of five, I also feel that I need to carve out time and space to be me.
So, I think this is the direction I am heading for now. Taking care of my body, taking care of my spirit and emotions, creativity, etc- those are still my goals. But rather than trying to form rigid goals, I am going to try to start each day with goals that seem like they will be a good fit for that day, mood, kids schedule etc. That way the over-arching goals are the same, but I will have a more flexible approach suited to my life.
Sometimes, we can only live one day at at time. That means not harboring baggage from the past and not borrowing trouble for the future...Far easier said than done, and certainly not something I have yet mastered, though I do see the wisdom in it.
ReplyDeleteTaking one day at a time with your goals and seeing what goals fit each day and then striving to meet the goal objective seems like a sensible and actually do-able approach!!!
Oh yeah, and if you don't reach your daily goal....Remember to cut your self some slack. There is always another day to try again.
Hmm...Likely I ought to take my own advice!;-)
I know this challenge oh to well. We are taught to be a goal oriented people. You know goals propel us forward, but if we don't achieve them they chuck us backward. How do we find the correct balance? Oh I just remembered Dallin H. Oaks (I think) talk Good Better Best. I bet there is some relevant stuff in there.
ReplyDeleteOh I do so understand. I can remember many days just as you describe. Our families are different but some of the struggles are the same. I pray that you will feel some relief but lately have been thinking about what an exceptional woman you are. God is molding you around things that are eternally significant. So do we really want your challenges to change. I still remember the blessing that I got that allowed me to still experience the challenges but with less emotional strain. Satan would love to keep you discouraged. I say kick him out!! Rebel. Don't let him win. You are great!! I love you.
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